Tomorrow will be two months since I lost my best friend-There is still not a moment I don't tear up & bawl thinking about her, there is pain & sadness that fills my heart & I ache knowing that you wont ever get to experience life-but then again who knows what you could be experiencing right now.
Every time I think about you I find myself surrounded by this beautiful yellow butterfly-yellow always looked fabulous on you & you knew it. She was the most real person I have ever met & it amazes me how she came into my life not long ago and how fast she was taken from my life. I feel so selfish always thinking about how this affects me, me, me but I am entitled to feel that way right? I now have to fill her spot as my best bridesmaid-I'm not ready to give that to anyone else (that's what we called it because Ash is my Maid Of Honor & then Trisha would be next to her)-we couldn't wait to stand next to each other when we got married. But she will have a front row seat and I know she'll be there. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would never see her again, you never think that way until it happens-and in the end it is too late. I don't know how long I will grieve for, I don't know how long I will try and mask the pain each day but I do know that I don't want to ever forget you & I will never. It's hard to do normal things shower, drive, work when she pops into my head & just the thought of her laying in the ground makes me shiver...It's nice to know that when you clean, go through old boxes or even my space comments you find little messages from her, seeing her handwriting on birthday cards or even recipes makes me smile because I know she led me to find these-
Her biggest fear was death-this was mine too, now my biggest fear is not living
Trisha had moved to El Dorado Hills from Elk Grove and we worked at Mervyn's together-we instantly became friends, she was always so shy & nice-I taught her to be mean ;)
We had college classes together, loved to go out to eat and loved to go to Elk Grove. We'd clock each other in @ work if one was running late, we'd take 2 hour lunches, we would shop & get ice cream and have slumber parties. I kind of hate myself for moving so far away from her, my sister, my friends-but she was the only one to support me during my move. She was so full of life and had so many clothes! She amazes me and will always amaze me-I know you loved Adam but we all had a gut feeling about him-we know he loved you but he took your life Trisha & out of carelessness and not thinking...I'll forgive but never forget
I still haven't washed your clothes & I am glad because they still smell like you
I love you Trisha Lynn
...and now you lay under an old oak tree
You Were Always There
Whenever I needed someone to talk toYou were always there.
Whenever I needed someone to talk toYou were always there.
My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain, andYou were always there.
There was no time when I had doubt to come to you becauseYou were always there.
I could see in your eyes you wanted to help, and that you really cared.Whenever I was down and blueYou were always there.
No matter my problems, are what was wrongYou were always there.
Whenever I felt like nothing mattersYou were always there.
Now your gone, and I don't know what to doI close my eyes and think of you, and howYou were always there.
It's hard to look at the pictures, and get memories of you
Can you hear me nowAt night I pray, and I speak to youI guess you were right when you told me no matter how far you were You would always be there.
I know one day I'll see you again, but till then I have to say goodbyeEven though it hurts to hear your name, and speak of you One thing I will always say is You were always there.
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